I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
