The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
