Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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