I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
This is my gift to your gina
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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