Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
