i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
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