He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I don't think brook has ever known best
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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