the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
