I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
