I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
