how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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