then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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