I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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