operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
