And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Randomize
