I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
