I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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