His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
