Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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