I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
