I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
