im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
