Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
