I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
