I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
