last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Randomize
