What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
