Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
