Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
