so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
