Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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