It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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