Barsexuality is the new black.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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