The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
