remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Randomize
