how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
