who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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