Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
