what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
