Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
