Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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