do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
