Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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