so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
