My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
