I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
