A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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