Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
