Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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