wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
