what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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