the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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