please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
